2. Day 22: Vulnerability & Truth
I am beginning to realize that all these fears in the “21 Fear Salute” of depression are all kind of the same. The fear of truth. We are so afraid that Love is not the truth about us that even though we long for, hope, cross our fingers we still do not feel sure. The next fear which is the fear of being exposed uncovers a broader truth. We actually are afraid LOVE is the truth about us. 13. Fear of being exposed This is deep yet universal. It is what we think vulnerability will feel like; exposed, naked, without excuse. When I feel exposed I feel very uncomfortable...
Read More2. Day 21: How Do You Relate To Your Thoughts?
I am struggling to extend love to depression. It feels like depression is anti-gravity and deflects all attempts at joining or welcome. Perhaps the energy of depression is non-attractive? Is it actually repelling? It feels more like zero gravity or exactly center on the spectrum of gravity. Is this stillness??? This is interesting. Stillness is that quality of love that simply abides quietly. What if we could allow depression as stillness? What a difference in our (my) reaction to depression. After a new baby is born we might experience post-partum stillness. One might be able to...
Read More2. Day 20: WTF HS?
We are in the middle of a catastrophic health crisis of the most hopeless kind. One of my dear ones, a child really, just starting out in the world is on the other side of a diagnosis that changed everything in an instant. This one graduated from college just days ago. This is the kind of thing that sends me reaching to the back of my mind’s cupboard for a drink of “What’s the point of living any more anyway?” It seems so pointless, frightening, overwhelming and threatening. It is a weird thing to find myself noticing the threat of death feels not dissimilar to the...
Read More2. Day 19: Nothing But Everything
Behind my fear of the voice of NOT-enough lies the even deeper terror of the abyss of NOTHING. What if there is nothing in my heart–no feeling, no guidance, no inner teacher, no creative impulse, no heart beat? What then? This is the fear to end all fears. “Listen to your heart” is nothing new. We see this used on YouTube videos and Facebook memes and hear this preached from every pulpit of every faith. So why don’t we do it? Listen to our heart. It is because of this very real fear of the heart in the “21 Fear Salute” that depression faces every...
Read More2. Day 18: Eternity On A Spoon
Yesterday we looked at the fear of not being heard in the “21 Fear Salute”, today we get to the root of the problem which is the fear of listening. What if we do take the time to listen? What are we going to hear? This is the crux of depression. What if we stop noticing everything else but our own heart? It seems depression conspires to still everything around us, put it on mute for the purpose of listening. But what if I am afraid to even listen? 9. Fear of Listening Me: How do I extend love to the fear of listening? I am afraid of listening because I am afraid of...
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