2. Day 20: WTF HS?
We are in the middle of a catastrophic health crisis of the most hopeless kind. One of my dear ones, a child really, just starting out in the world is on the other side of a diagnosis that changed everything in an instant. This one graduated from college just days ago. This is the kind of thing that sends me reaching to the back of my mind’s cupboard for a drink of “What’s the point of living any more anyway?” It seems so pointless, frightening, overwhelming and threatening. It is a weird thing to find myself noticing the threat of death feels not dissimilar to the...
Read More2. Day 19: Nothing But Everything
Behind my fear of the voice of NOT-enough lies the even deeper terror of the abyss of NOTHING. What if there is nothing in my heart–no feeling, no guidance, no inner teacher, no creative impulse, no heart beat? What then? This is the fear to end all fears. “Listen to your heart” is nothing new. We see this used on YouTube videos and Facebook memes and hear this preached from every pulpit of every faith. So why don’t we do it? Listen to our heart. It is because of this very real fear of the heart in the “21 Fear Salute” that depression faces every...
Read More2. Day 18: Eternity On A Spoon
Yesterday we looked at the fear of not being heard in the “21 Fear Salute”, today we get to the root of the problem which is the fear of listening. What if we do take the time to listen? What are we going to hear? This is the crux of depression. What if we stop noticing everything else but our own heart? It seems depression conspires to still everything around us, put it on mute for the purpose of listening. But what if I am afraid to even listen? 9. Fear of Listening Me: How do I extend love to the fear of listening? I am afraid of listening because I am afraid of...
Read More2. Day 17: Can You Hear Me Now?
HS: Dearest One, this is so prevalent, so disheartening, so deeply dishonest I will speak first. Do not be afraid of this fear. Let is shine as a weak candle in a deep dark cave full of the winds of truth. Dearest One, I must tell you this in the gentlest of terms and you will not be harmed in any way. Hear this. 8. Fear of Not Being Heard This is your heart speaking: “I am afraid I won’t be heard.” Your heart, your own heart, longs for you, cherishes you, chases after you and literally holds a candle for you until you hear, for as long as you both shall live,...
Read More2. Day 16: Oh Joy. Oh Crap.
Today’s fear in the “21 Fear Salute” is ever present in each one of us. It may be what is behind the two-year old declaring “I DO IT MYSELF!” as much as it is behind the 40 year old Mom cursing under her breath “I always have to do everything myself!” Why are we so afraid to ask for help? What do we think this says about us? That we are losers? weenies? hopeless & ill plan-worthy? Or is the fear of asking for help serving a deeper purpose? 7. Fear of Asking for Help The fear of asking for help is also about my own desire to control...
Read More2. Day 15: “Take Two Days at the Hyatt & Call Me In The Mourning”
I must admit, extending love to depression and my fear of looking at it is challenging me in my depths. It is as if I am inhabiting depression or it is inhabiting me to allow me to write and love from that authentic place within that is truth. It is no accident (darn it!) that today I got to look at and extend love to this fear (in the “21 Fear Salute”) in depression: 6. Fear of Truth What am I afraid of here? That I will discover that I have suffered from, ignored, covered over, been annoyed at and left as lost luggage this miasma of depression? I don’t feel...
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