2. Day 9: Unbolting the Door
I am finding trouble accessing the feelings of fear I have for depression. Somehow just (!) being willing to meet and greet something that has caused me grief, confusion, anger, loneliness and silence is lessening all these feelings. I feel almost cheerful, hopeful even, in greeting and welcoming depression. This makes no sense. Me: How can I extend love to a fear if I am not feeling it in the moment? Am I healed already? HS: Dear One, Be glad in this moment you are not experiencing your fear. This does not prevent you from extending much tender awareness to the state of depression. ...
Read More2. Day 8: The Great Drawing Within
I had a great experience with depression the other day I keep meaning to write down. I got some very unexpected news, which kind of blindsided me. I noticed I felt a heavy dragging on my chest, it felt a betrayal of sorts. I felt pitiful, lonely, left out and annoyed all at the same time. I just let all of those feelings be ok. I didn’t try to change or fix it. I just extended the quality of love of noticing. After a little while I went out with friends and as happens when sadness or surprise hits, it is softened tremendously by spending time with those you love. Loving someone is a...
Read More2. Day 7: A One-sided Conversation
One of the fears of depression I have noticed within myself is that I have no right to feel depressed. This quote I read in a Maisie Dobbs novel expressed the nebulous fear in the background I was feeling but couldn’t express. “The girl’s had the very best, so don’t tell me about despair, Miss Dobbs, that girl’s got no right to despair.”—–Birds of a Feather by Jaquelline Winspear I guess I thought if I continued to ignore it, I would always feel happy. HS: Depression cannot be ignored. It is a calling from within to notice your truth. Me: It has taken me a long time to admit...
Read More2. Day 6: The Power I Am Afraid of Using
Extending love to depression feels very much like extending love to both power-lessness AND needing to extend love to power. This old quote rings in my ears: “All power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”—-Lord Acton, British historian Me: So what is the power that depression is afraid of using, claiming and being? HS: The Power of Loving Unconditionally Me: Loving unconditionally does indeed feel a little scary in the light of the recent conversations I’ve had with folks re the ease of carrying a gun in Tennessee, the difficulty of interracial marriage...
Read More2. Day 5: I Allow Myself to See
The Holy Spirit continues with this message of love regarding power and powerlessness and gives me a great practice. HS: When you feel depressed you feel powerless. When you feel powerless (fear of power) you feel depressed. Think of areas you feel powerless in. Me: Assuring my children are happy, healthy and strong; my body’s health and strength; wearing high heels (ever since my Mother was in a wheel chair and I got used to needing flat shoes for my own sure-footedness in moving her to and fro); driving; high powered business situations; keeping up with my business partner’s energy...
Read More2. Day 4: In Cahoots with Good
I learned yesterday that depression comes from power I possess but have not used. What qualities of love are best to extend to powerlessness to increase and balance my awareness of my true power? Holy Spirit: Be willing to sit in stillness and invite power to make itself know to you in a feeling or sensation. It may be a tingling, a sense of spaciousness or a feeling of openness to what is. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. As you allow yourself to step quietly and without regret or...
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