2. Day 7: A One-sided Conversation
One of the fears of depression I have noticed within myself is that I have no right to feel depressed. This quote I read in a Maisie Dobbs novel expressed the nebulous fear in the background I was feeling but couldn’t express. “The girl’s had the very best, so don’t tell me about despair, Miss Dobbs, that girl’s got no right to despair.”—–Birds of a Feather by Jaquelline Winspear I guess I thought if I continued to ignore it, I would always feel happy. HS: Depression cannot be ignored. It is a calling from within to notice your truth. Me: It has taken me a long time to admit...
Read More2. Day 6: The Power I Am Afraid of Using
Extending love to depression feels very much like extending love to both power-lessness AND needing to extend love to power. This old quote rings in my ears: “All power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”—-Lord Acton, British historian Me: So what is the power that depression is afraid of using, claiming and being? HS: The Power of Loving Unconditionally Me: Loving unconditionally does indeed feel a little scary in the light of the recent conversations I’ve had with folks re the ease of carrying a gun in Tennessee, the difficulty of interracial marriage...
Read More2. Day 5: I Allow Myself to See
The Holy Spirit continues with this message of love regarding power and powerlessness and gives me a great practice. HS: When you feel depressed you feel powerless. When you feel powerless (fear of power) you feel depressed. Think of areas you feel powerless in. Me: Assuring my children are happy, healthy and strong; my body’s health and strength; wearing high heels (ever since my Mother was in a wheel chair and I got used to needing flat shoes for my own sure-footedness in moving her to and fro); driving; high powered business situations; keeping up with my business partner’s energy...
Read More2. Day 4: In Cahoots with Good
I learned yesterday that depression comes from power I possess but have not used. What qualities of love are best to extend to powerlessness to increase and balance my awareness of my true power? Holy Spirit: Be willing to sit in stillness and invite power to make itself know to you in a feeling or sensation. It may be a tingling, a sense of spaciousness or a feeling of openness to what is. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. Powerlessness is a state of fearing power; it is not lack of power. As you allow yourself to step quietly and without regret or...
Read More2. Day 3: Who Me?
This is why I hate depression. It pushes people away. A friend is going through a heavy phase of something. It feels like depression from where I stand but really, what do I know? My friend does not want to connect at all. This is the crux of what gets me about being on the other side of depression. It hurts. It feels like a slap in the face. So, Holy Spirit, it doesn’t seem you would feel wounded, hurt, sad or annoyed now so this must be my fear talking. How can I see this in Love’s eyes? Or rather, let me see in Love what is the truth. Help me extend willingness, not-knowing and...
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