Having a Wedding Is Like Having a Baby

Posted by on Jan 15, 2016 in All-One, The Wedding Practice | 12 comments

Having a Wedding Is Like Having a Baby

A little under six months ago I returned with great delight to my blog with amazing ideas and plans for my writing………….and then there was a wedding. This does not mean I got distracted or busy or overwhelmed (although all of these happened) this means that I was privileged to be a part of an incredible creation project not unlike the creation of a new life you experience in pregnancy.  When I look at my calendar, to-do lists, journal entries and the bags under my eyes I am inclined to give myself 2016 OFF completely for a job very well done.  Of course this isn’t entirely feasible and I long to join the peeps of my heart again via my writing and blog so here I am.

For those of you in the midst of wedding planning (hello Australia;) and for those of you who remember all too well the literal birthing pains of creating such an event, read along and see if your don’t agree that “Having a Wedding is like Having a Baby” except with perhaps fewer stretch marks and a much bigger audience.

The wedding planning begins amid much advice, most of which you ignore

Yes, the almond champagne is perfect!

Yes, the almond champagne is perfect!

thinking that surely you won’t need a wagon for the wedding binder, you’ll be too stressed to eat (they never mentioned being too stressed you eat every hour) and something will always go wrong.  You begin by visiting wedding fairs, thumbing through wedding mags in the supermarket and thinking about a hundred times a day “we have plenty of time”.  You talk about how thrilled you are with your daughter’s husband-to-be, their choice of venue and date (“Oh it will be so FUN to have the wedding at Christmas, we’ll all be together for the holidays!”) and how you will make this wedding planning a spiritual practice and take time to meditate, choose peace and generally forgive anything and everything.  This is akin to the first trimester of pregnancy when you still look cute, glowing, grinning with nothing but the hope of a teensy baby “bump” to prove the upcoming joy about to enter your lives.  This is the time when the parents-to-be roll their eyes at their friends who use TV as a baby sitter, stay home from a big event because they are too tired or ever say a cross word about baby Alfred or Genevieve.  “We’ll never do that” they say, “we will manage our time, stay healthy and have the best behaved baby ever!”

The Bride & Maid of Honor

Maid of Honor & the Bride

The next phase is when you have ticked off a few important tasks like finding a wedding dress, choosing a color scheme and planning the Bridal Shower.  At this point you begin to realize actual labor will be involved.  The shower we had for Savannah was so wonderful I could have called it a day and felt we had our “wedding” experience (well, except the groom was 3,000 miles away in Pensacola studying madly at Navigator school).  We got to dress, decorate, drink mimosas, hug, laugh, tell stories and open presents.  Savannah trialed her “wedding hair and make up” and we all showed up on time and even remembered to take pictures (now I knew why we would have to hire a professional photographer for the wedding, that is a HUGE job).  This stage is akin to the second trimester when you now are avidly reading pregnancy and baby books, have even looked into post baby child care and you finally (yippee!) get to buy your first maternity clothes after you realize you really do change shape so drastically that wearing yoga pants under your growing bump and your husband’s shirt are just not going to cut it at the business meeting you must attend.  This is the time you might have a Baby Shower and oooh and aaaah over each tiny outfit, and think how cute those little shoes are and you even have time to send your thank you’s out.

Then it is September.  The wedding is now in three months time.  The

Wedding THIS way....

Wedding THIS way….

decisions that you have been pondering and discussing MUST be made, vendors interviewed, chosen and just when you thought you could pass the baton to the beautiful and talented wedding dream team you have selected it hits you.  This is now going to happen no matter what.  The wedding/baby is coming and nothing will stop it.  The invitations have been sent, a hundred decisions a day are being made. The bridesmaids dresses are sent back for the fourth time due to sizing issues and at this point you don’t care what color the flowers are as long as someone else organizes it.

In the third trimester you are willing to give birth just to get out of being pregnant.  When it’s a wedding you want to get to the wedding just so you won’t have to decide ONE MORE THING.  No matter how wonderful the planning is, how many lunches you have and bottles of champagne you have to celebrate each phase it is hard work.  I felt as if I had accidentally started a new business without a business plan.  I would wake up at 3am and cry just to release the tension of trying to do so many things at once.  Our own businesses didn’t let up thank god because the increased business will ultimately financially solve the slight (I use this word carefully) overage beyond the wedding budget.

Let's DO it!

Let’s DO it!

What I realized is that your life doesn’t stop because you are having a wedding and much like having a baby, though, a wedding changes everything.  I remember a strained day in September when I realized I simply couldn’t write a book proposal AND prepare for a wedding at the same time and finally put my book gently down until after the wedding was over.  I joined my daughter wholeheartedly and we made a terrific duo in putting together this wonderful, memorable affair.  Her fiance` (now husband;) was a part of many phone conversations and not a few flights back to California to meet with the minister, photographer etc.

The final weeks were so intense that we decided this was the contractions phase.  We could barely breathe between “contractions” of visitors, visits to the wedding venue, Savannah flying to Florida for Dan’s graduation four days before the wedding, Christmas looming, the arrivals day (seven airport runs)

dad & charlotte

The Airport Elves

and the storm on the day of the rehearsal.  By the day of the “delivery”, um, I mean wedding, we were so ready, delighted, and busting to celebrate that we didn’t even flinch at the 6:30am hair and make up call (for a 3pm ceremony).

The day was perfect in every way exactly as it unfolded. Protein drinks for the bridesmaids, coffee delivery by the wonderful hairdresser Georgia, every family member and friend on call with cars, lists, boxes and bags.  One of my favorite memories was flying down the freeway (with bride in tow) in convoy and getting the phone call from the groom.  “Do you have the groomsmans’ vests?”  I veered across four lanes of traffic to get off the freeway and check; my Dad, followed suit and we ended up on a side street, hair blowing in a gale force wind checking both trunks for the vests.  No vests! It turns out they were already in John’s car and he was an hour ahead of us just pulling up in front of Grand Island Mansion.  We laughed and got back in the car to race to the wedding.

The Kiss

Mr. & Mrs. Hodges

This felt like the crazy ride to the hospital to literally give birth but honestly was way more fun.  The event itself had a beautiful, powerful energy that carried us through ever gate post and delivered us safely gathered around the alter for the most precious vows.  Mr. & Mrs. Hodges were born.  A gorgeous couple, ready to live life to the fullest to and for one another.  Hallelujah Jesus!  The union was done.

Whew!  We made it.  The moment I will never forget is just before I entered the ballroom to be seated and saw the sea of precious faces turn towards us, eager, full of love, fully joining in our joy and delight of this occasion.

The tears flowed freely but quickly turned to laughter for this was every bit as wonderful as we had imagined.  Savannah and her Daddy looked like a dream floating down the curved staircase and Dan was the picture of steadfast and handsome.  The wedding party beamed as the two joined to become one.

Union Rocks!

Union Rocks!

Sigh………………of course there must be photographs, dinner, dancing and champagne flowing.  How could there not be? Celebrating the birth of such a union is beyond the best thing I’ve ever experienced.  It is even richer than my own wedding because I too, entered into this same union 35 years ago and now got to pass on the utter joy of union, relationship and love to my own child and her beloved.

So, having a wedding is like having a baby……it is, in fact, just another creation story love offers us to show us Love is the truth about us.

What Love creates....

Union is how Love creates….



  1. Hello Darling Eva, I so enjoyed this return to your blog. Loved being witness to your journey as you posted pictures on FB about the blessed event too. Was tearing up reading your beautiful synopsis of this experience and realize how much I miss our VFL community. Many blessings to you and congratulations to your lovely daughter and her beloved. xoxo

    • Thank you so much MaryAnn! I miss our VFL family too. I hope you will be able to make call next Monday (see Facebook group page). Love you, xoxo

  2. So wonderful Mom! Thank you!!

    • It was truly my pleasure sweetheart, every single bit of it. Love you so much, xoxo

  3. Dearest Eva, only you could summarize and capture the entire year of preparation in one blog. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

    • Thanks Sandra….I thought if I did it in “real time” nobody would believe me;) Thanks for all the love & support you were during this watershed year, xoxo

  4. Oh, Eva. I just loved this and truly, the vest story will be one of the “special memories” of a special event in all of your lives. How lovely it must have been. So grateful that we have come to know each other a little, but not enough. Blessings to you and yours. Jacque Jensen xoxoxoxo to John too.

    • Glad you enjoyed it. I knew at the time we were looking for the vests it would be “one of those stories Jacque warned me about”, lol:) I look forward to knowing you for a long time, xoxo

  5. True stories are often the best. So much love and happiness here. Jeanne xxx

    • So good to hear from you! So glad you enjoyed sharing the joy. Give Elfie and his Mum a big hug from me and for yourself as well! xoxox

  6. Oh this recount is so yummy just as delicious as the event its self!

    • Thank you honey! The event was delicious wasn’t it?! I’m so glad you were there, xoxoxoxox

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