6. Day 8: Peering At My Thoughts In Wonder

Posted by on Sep 8, 2014 in All-One, Fear AS Tiredness | 0 comments

6. Day 8:  Peering At My Thoughts In Wonder

Since I am wanting to feel that peace and energy beyond my veil of tiredness I have been practicing feeling peace in my body, especially as it relates to needing food/rest/water etc.  This consists of me listening and being quiet with my body rather than simply ignoring my body and doing whatever I wish.  My daughter and I went to lunch the other day and I wanted a hamburger but what I felt into my body for peace (rather than just what I wanted) I felt my desire for a salad trio which is what I ordered.  I tried to continue to feel the peace within my body as I was eating but realized I’d passed peace about four bites previously.  I did stop eating then but really noticed these thoughts:  “I paid for it, I might as well finish it”, “It is wasteful to leave it”, I’m not getting my money’s worth” and finally “I should’ve gotten a smaller amount”.  These thoughts were pretty persuasive I must say.

As I was with my daughter we had quite an interesting conversation about this and she admitted having the same types of thoughts even though I would describe her as a stress not-eater rather than the stress eater that I would describe myself as.  It was really wonderful to be with someone who could  peer in wonder with me as we became

Knowing this increases my awareness of peace in my body.

Knowing this increases my awareness of peace in my body.

aware of  these thoughts and extend noticing, innocence and lack-of-further-story to them.  All in all, an interesting practice which I intend to continue.  It really requires me to slow down and ask within during the progress of the day over and over again.  What I notice most is how busy I actually am and how that sitting down to eat is one of the ways I allow myself rest.  The question is, can I learn to extend much needed rest to myself without the cover story of a meal?  I read  a quote on Geneen Roth’s Facebook page that said “Food is not, nor was it ever, love.”  It is hard to admit that I would rather ingest food than go within and feel the Love that I am.  This will take a lot of practice but I have a feeling that not going within is part and parcel of the tiredness I have created for myself.  I am hoping that by admitting to myself the possibility that I choose a quick fix of food rather than a quiet moment to go within will cause me to notice when I want to do this and give myself the gift of taking a moment to go within and connect to the peace and love that I am first.  This is what I want to communicate to my cells and for them to reflect right back to me.

It seems that eating is related to shushing the insistent thoughts I listed above.  What if I let them speak AND extended love to to them rather than trying to quiet them with food, like I try to quiet my insistent Corgi, Rugby with a biscuit?  Holy Spirit, please continue to bring my awareness to all the thoughts that cluster that I attempt to cover over with food.  Yikes!  I am afraid this will actually happen and then what?  Will my body find out there is something quite more delicious and satisfying than food, like Wholeness, Honesty, Truth and the true feeling of peace flowing through all of me?  God, I hope so!

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