12. Day 12: The Wanting

Posted by on Mar 12, 2015 in All-One, Fear of Feeling(s) | 0 comments

12. Day 12:  The Wanting

My friend Beth Misner spoke at a Women of Faith Breakfast I held several years ago and said about her often frenetically paced life,  “I decided that I am not busy but that I have a full life with a meaningful schedule”.  That thought really stuck with me and on a deeper level has been working from within me to produce the miraculous change of a similar feeling.  I am not at the mercy of my schedule or even my desires.  I have learned (through continuing daily practice) that my life and schedule are not something happening to me but are a direct response to my connection to my heart (or lack thereof).

My life and schedule are not something happening to me but are a direct response to my connection to my heart (or lack thereof).

The other night after a very full day of a meaningful schedule doing all the things I love (supporting our directors, training at the Crocker, preparing nourishing food, writing, praying, meditating, organizing) I was spent.  I  had eaten dinner but still I was aware of  the feeling of “wanting something”. Before detox I would have had “just a morsel” with tea; a tea biscuit, a piece of chocolate, a late night bowl of cereal.  But, I had already decided that wan’t an option.  Still.  “The Wanting” was present, urging me to, what exactly, I didn’t know. Ultimately tiredness won out and we went to bed and were asleep in about a minute and a half (I apologize to those of you who cannot sleep easily, this has generally not been my area of limitation…know I am extending big love and the bliss  of surrender that is daily sleep to you, right now, even as you read this).

full grocery cart

“Feeding” the wanting only leaves you wanting more.

In the morning, during my quiet time (after 8 hrs of much needed sleep) I asked myself several questions directed toward what I was now thinking of as “the wanting”:

What if I just sat with the wanting?

What is wanting?

What does it feel like, taste like; what color is it?

Is it a friend in disguise?

What purpose does it serve?

How can I use/redirect/enjoy this wanting without resorting to unconsciousness-provoking behavior?

Interestingly, just allowing these questions to surface re wanting left me feeling less at-the-mercy of wanting and more open to hearing what Holy Spirit wanted to share.

HS:  Precious One,

Your wanting is always, at the deepest level, wanting to return to the awareness of wholeness; whole love, whole peace, whole joy, whole presence.

the fruit of the spirit

The fruit of the Spirit wants YOU.

Wanting is the deep longing for Self in all it’s glory.  Feeding wanting, rather than truly listening and inhabiting the presence of the Presence will always leave you wanting more; more food, more sleep, more drink, more clothes, more toys, more, more, more, more.

Let wanting remind you to pause immediately and take three or more deep breathes. Anchoring yourself to the present moment will give the wanting what it wants; quiet consciousness, whole awareness, welcome listening.  This wanting can direct you deep into the middle of guidance, clarity and power if you will honor it rather than try to give it a bone to keep it quiet.

Trust the wanting; it wants you whole; powerful, peaceful, joyful and delighted.


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